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So last night my Health 101 class talked about STDs and… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[Apr. 13th, 2005|12:16 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
So last night my Health 101 class talked about STDs and contraception. I won't go into the excruciating group activity or the stupidly incorrect information the teacher gave out (I mean REALLY.. do some damned research, woman). I will, however, tell you a story.

Ever have one of those moments where you're going along and someone says something that triggers a memory and then you laugh right out loud and completely inappropriately? I did that last night. Right in the middle of class. I went like this... We were discussing STDs and the transmission/symptoms/diagnostic methods/treatments for them and Chippie #1 had to do the section on chlamydia. She chirped "Symptoms include eye infections, pain in the extremities, and fever." And then I snorted. Like.. right out loud. And here's why:

About three years ago my friend Tonya went to her doctor complaining of foot pain. Now, she'll be the first to tell you that the foot pain was brought on by doing her best Kevin Kline-In-And-Out impression in her hallway while wearing footie jammies. The dumbass slipped and fell and did something to her foot while she was at it. But she didn't explain that to the doctor.

The doctor looks at her vitals and sees that she's got a mild temperature. Of course she does, it's winter in Pittsburgh and the whole city's got a head cold. So she's not even thinking about this. She's thinking she's there to deal with her foot. Until the doctor starts in with his questions.

"Ms. Nardi, are your eyes red and itchy?"
"What?"
"Are your eyes red and itchy?"
"But.. my foot hurts..."
"Yes.. but are your eyes red and itchy?"
"Um... no.. my foot hurts?"
"Right, but when you wake up, are your eyes red and itchy?"

At this point the lights in Tonya's brain go on and her jr. high sex ed class catches up to her and she gets good and riled up.

"OH. MY. GOD! I DO NOT HAVE CHLAMYDIA! MY! FOOT! HURTS!"

Really the story ends there.. he eventually gave her an x-ray, found that she'd sprained something and sent her home with muscle relaxants, some pain meds, and a look on his face that said he was pretty sure her eyes were red and itchy. And she, in turn, got immediately onto the phone with me and bitched for almost an hour. And to this day when people complain of something hurting I fight the urge to say "But are your eyes red and itchy?"

And I'm putting up a phone post later with the exact pronunciation because the delivery of the line is half the fun.



Do you know how weird it is to put something up randomly because it seemed like fun last time you did it and then watch it make the rounds? That's flattering in an odd sort of way. Anyway, I'm glad the anon comments meme was fun.. we're going to do another one later today but for right now I have to go pretend to work.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: slightlytricky
2005-04-13 04:19 pm (UTC)
I seriously love you.
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[User Picture]From: cindyjade
2005-04-13 04:23 pm (UTC)
you have the best stories. *titters long time*

and omg you are such a trend setter mellies!!!1
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-04-13 04:27 pm (UTC)
Your heed hurts, yes? Tell me Lizzies, are your eyes red and itchy?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cindyjade
2005-04-13 04:31 pm (UTC)
just the evil one mellies! it's always red and itchy!

*looks accusingly at dom's cock*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-04-13 04:32 pm (UTC)
Dom's cock is always to blame. Also, it's always the solution. See, it all comes back to Dom's cock.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)