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Some recent events in my life: May 30, 2005 10:35pm The scene:… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[Jun. 3rd, 2005|04:07 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
[how ya feelin'? |dorkydorky]


Some recent events in my life:

May 30, 2005 10:35pm
The scene: The bedroom. We enter mid-conversation..

Matt: And then what?
Melly: And then I just wanted to go up to him and be all WOOOO!!! *raises arms overhead and does drunken frat-boy dance*
Matt: *slightly horrified eyes* What the--?
Melly: Whu? *sees tick just below armpit* AHHHH!! Get it off!
Matt: *uses Boy Scout Camp Counselor voice* It's ok, let me take care of it. *uses Boy Scout Camp Counselor De-ticking Skilz*
Melly: Was it ... like... the Lyme tick?
Matt: *uses same voice you'd use on small children of dubious intelligence* A deer tick? No, that wasn't a deer tick. That was a dog tick. You can't get Lyme from a dog tick.
Melly: What do you get from a dog tick?
Matt: Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
Melly: What does that do?
Matt: *uses Very Convincing Voice and Serious Eyes* It gives you cravings for massive amounts of butt sex.
Melly: *eyebrow*

June 2, 2005 2:15pm
The scene: Melly's office. We enter mid-cough.
Melly: My.. damn.. my throat hurts.
Co-Worker: You don't look so good.. you ok?
Melly: I just feel like ass. My head hurts, my joints ache, my muscles hurt and I'm getting chills and this massive sinus headache.
Co-Worker. You should go home.
Melly: I can't.. but I can take some DayQuil.

June 2, 2005 6:45pm
The scene: Caitlin's house. We enter mid-mocking (as per usual).
Melly: Did I tell you that I brought a tick home from last weekend?
Caitlin: Really? There had been email on some lists about how last weekend's event had lots of ticks.
Melly: Well I brought one home. Matt pulled it off.
Caitlin: So.. you got a tick bite.. and now you're sick?
Melly: Yeah. But it wasn't a Lyme tick, it was a Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever tick.
Caitlin: You should look up the symptoms of that.
Melly: Matt says it makes you want to have butt sex.
Caitlin: Somehow I doubt that, you should really look it up, just so you know what it actually is.
Melly: *click click click on the keyboard* *page loads* Oh.
Caitlin: Yes?
Melly: Sudden onset 3 to 10 days after tick bite.. fever, chills, muscle aches, joint aches, headaches, mild nausea. Soooooo?
Cailtin: So you should go to the doctor.

June 2, 2005 9:25pm
The scene: Melly's car We enter mid-drive
Melly: *dials phone*
Matt: *answers* City Morgue.
Melly: 'Member how I felt like ass when you called earlier?
Matt: Yeah..
Melly: Do you actually know what the symptoms of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever are?
Matt: You mean it's not a craving for butt sex?
Melly: Fever, chills, body aches, joint pain, mostly all the things I got this afternoon.
Matt: ... um.... holy crap.
Melly: This sucks, Matt. I don't want this version! I want the anal sex version!


I do not, in fact, have Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. I have a doozy of an upper respiratory infection and I'm on antibiotics and cuddles until I feel better. She said if my fever spikes I should go back in to the doctor, or if I don't feel better they'll check me for mono (does anyone outside of high school actually get mono? Besides Wil Wheaton, I mean) in a couple of days. But I wanted to write it up.. because it's worth it for the anal sex joke.

But really, what isn't worth suffering through for a good anal sex joke?
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: slightlytricky
2005-06-03 08:15 pm (UTC)
oh mellies. what am i going to do with you. *cuddles you and makes you tea*
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[User Picture]From: linaerys
2005-06-03 08:19 pm (UTC)
Heh.

Heh.

Hee-hee-hee-hee.

Oh, and I hope you feel better soon =(. *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: kiltsandlollies
2005-06-03 08:24 pm (UTC)
omg Melly. *pushes you into bubble* No more badness and owie and eww.

You so brave. I would have screamed blue murder at the tick. And yes it was so worth it for the anal sex joke. *pets yer butt*
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From: starfishchick
2005-06-03 08:27 pm (UTC)
Oh, Melly-kins. Oh oh oh.

Your CDs should be arriving any day now, by the way.
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[User Picture]From: yellow_oranges
2005-06-03 08:40 pm (UTC)
Pshew!! I was on the edge of my seat girl!! That Matt is a card, right enough!!
<3
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[User Picture]From: insidian
2005-06-03 08:41 pm (UTC)
But Melly...

If what I have isn't Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever...

HOW DO I EXPLAIN THE CRAVINGS?
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-03 08:42 pm (UTC)
That's easy, Sid. You're a pervert. They have creams and ointments for that. :D
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[User Picture]From: insidian
2005-06-03 08:45 pm (UTC)
*peers at book*

OH! I was looking at the wrong entry. *points*

Rocky Mounted Fever

Now, if I could just figure out who this Rocky fellow is.
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[User Picture]From: maitheas
2005-06-03 11:02 pm (UTC)
aaand now the cast of Rocky Horror is jumping around in my head and singing like the mad things they are.

...

:D Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: magickalmolly
2005-06-03 08:52 pm (UTC)
You know, I had to put Tricky in a hamster ball yesterday. Should I get one for you too?
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[User Picture]From: slightlytricky
2005-06-03 09:37 pm (UTC)
*nibbles on sunflower seeds*

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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-04 04:34 am (UTC)
That depends entirely. When I'm finished in the ball do I get to go play in the wheel and then sleep in the wood shavings?

Um.. and will Tricky be there?
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[User Picture]From: magickalmolly
2005-06-04 03:50 pm (UTC)
Yes, and YES.

*gets you matching wheels*
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[User Picture]From: almaviva
2005-06-03 08:59 pm (UTC)
*cuddles lots*

My co-worker crush had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever...too bad I didn't know about the butt sex symptom at the time.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-04 04:34 am (UTC)
I hear it lingers. Sometimes for years. *authoritative nod* I read it on the internet, so it must be true.
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[User Picture]From: lalartu
2005-06-03 09:13 pm (UTC)
Melly: What do you get from a dog tick?
Matt: Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
Melly: What does that do?
Matt: *uses Very Convincing Voice and Serious Eyes* It gives you cravings for massive amounts of butt sex.
Melly: *eyebrow*


Bwahahah


Long-term health problems following acute Rocky Mountain spotted fever infection include partial paralysis of the lower extremities, gangrene requiring amputation of fingers, toes, or arms or legs, hearing loss, loss of bowel or bladder control, movement disorders, and language disorders.


So if you have your legs amputated, is that better for the butt sex?

Now for some unknown reason you are in my head raucously shouting fuck the stump.
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[User Picture]From: cindyjade
2005-06-03 10:28 pm (UTC)
i just love you so much mellies!
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-04 04:33 am (UTC)
You just want to be close to me when I suddenly begin craving kinky sex... I see through your ruse!

:D
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[User Picture]From: cussata
2005-06-03 10:59 pm (UTC)
Yes, adults get mono. I had a coworker who had it a few months ago.

Please tell me that the doc sent out a tick titer profile on you. ie tell me they drew blood. There are other tick-borne illnesses, like ehrlichiosis and rickettsia, which can be transmitted by the dog tick and can be nasty.
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[User Picture]From: maitheas
2005-06-03 11:03 pm (UTC)
*squishes you*

No more wildlife Mellies! NO!
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-04 04:32 am (UTC)
I told Matt it just wanted to be adopted and brought home and cared for. And Matt spent a good five minutes explaining how it wasn't a Pound Puppy, it was a TICK!

And then I had to actually bite my tongue not to go "SPOOOOOOOOON!" Thereby proving my dorkdom beyond all doubt.
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[User Picture]From: shaenie
2005-06-03 11:46 pm (UTC)
awwwww, honey! *chicken soups you*

also, i think your boy and my boy are sekritly the same boy. O.o
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-04 04:31 am (UTC)

also, i think your boy and my boy are sekritly the same boy

*a-feart* Let's hope whoever he is he's folding space-time to be in both places, because if there's actually two alike I worry for the fabric of the universe. :)

I called my mother and made her do the Mommy voice for me. That's how grown up I am today. How's your bruises? And when do you get the results from the thing?
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[User Picture]From: shaenie
2005-06-04 08:40 am (UTC)
Sometimes a Mommy to do the Mommy voice for you is the best cure!

The bruises are fading (except the one on my palm) and I have an appointment to see my doctor on Monday -- he should have the results of the MRI by then.

My arm, though, seems to be doing okay. Due to the weirdness of doctor visits and holiday weekends, i ended up not really doing a whole lot of data entry at all for like eight days, and I don't know if that gave the muscle relaxers time to start really doing their job, or what, but my hand hasn't gone numb for several days. I still have some achiness and that weird, nervy twinge sometimes in my wrist that means I'm pissing off that nerve there, but overall, it's been much better. =)

How are you holding up, dearheart?
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[User Picture]From: alex_wench
2005-06-04 12:29 am (UTC)
it's just sodomy baby...:)

I glad u not sick.

But it would have been worth it for the RMSF jokes.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-04 04:27 am (UTC)
I would have thought it was allergies except for the size of the lumps in my neck and the fact that it's raining out and that usually slaps my allergies down. Anyway, I got some righteous antibiotics and hopefully I can get rid of this once and for all.

Mmmm.. sodomy...
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[User Picture]From: make_your_move
2005-06-04 12:42 pm (UTC)
Melly ... you need a more boring life sometimes ... but then you wouldn't be able to tell the best stories evah ....

Feel better, then write and tell me all about the massive amounts of butt sex you and mattes have been having ;)

Seriously? Call me if you need something. This weekend is not committed.
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