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Whole lotta labia.

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Werebear bear bar. [Mar. 3rd, 2012|12:17 am]
Whole lotta labia.
I am in the midst of reading a series of books which even I, as an entertained reader, will admit are Not Good. Like "Hex" is Not Good. They are prose so purple it's imperial. Seriously, if one of you wrote something this florid I'd assume you were fucking with me. The male characters are all tall, muscular, and they are always drawn to the female characters with feelings they have "never experienced like this." Every time.

These books are full of immortals and vampires and werewolves and women who can reach orgasm through penetration only in less than 5 minutes. (Which, I don't know about you, but in my world is as probable as vampires and werewolves. If it's not improbable in your world please don't tell me.) The sex scenes are full of anatomically ambitious positions,including a stellar example where the 5'10" heroine mounts a 6'6" hero in the front bucket seat of a low-slung two-seater sports car, which is just a recipe for back pain and a knee to the nose if you ask me.

And I am reading them with unabashed joy. I have set a scale of their awesomeness which is measured in how long it takes the author to describe something as "tawny." The Start-to-Tawny index. Cee has taken to calling them Tawny Tales of Improbable Intercourse. The entire experience has probably knocked me down about 20 points on the Respectable Intellectual scale. I don't care.

Continued wanking and validation of your copy of ABBA Gold...Collapse )

Because the phrase 'werebear bear bar' is just guaranteed to make me smile.

And now, a link to a pants-wettingly funny man who puts into one minute what it took me 1000 words to say. And he fits a frottage joke in while he's at it. Dara O'Briain on guilty pleasures.
link18 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

Conversations [Mar. 2nd, 2012|10:08 am]
Whole lotta labia.
Conversations I'm not proud to have had recently:

Me:  I'm at the grocery store and Chloe just took a toothpick from the cheese samples and poked a shitload of holes in a $13 piece of meat.

Cee: *sigh*

Me:  I'd sell her but she's too small to work really hard so I won't get much for her.

Cee:  maybe for parts, though.

Me:  Good idea, and there's a market because God knows it's hard to find lungs for an  '07 Caucasian.

Cee:  plus the newer the parts the more different kinds of makes and models they could fit in.  you could be sitting on a gold mine.

Me:  And as the original owner I still have all the paperwork.

Cee:  Just something to consider.
link3 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2011|09:21 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
Chloe (wearing an orange plastic beach pail on her head): Guess what I'm dressed up as!?

Me: Devo?


(apparently the correct answer was "Robin Hood." Duh.)
linkhave ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2011|02:56 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
I believe the following (courtesy of some mouthy bint) is an accurate representation of today's events in my neck of the woods:

DC EARTHQUAKE DEVASTATION

link11 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [Apr. 13th, 2011|07:56 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
*poke*
link18 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [Jul. 27th, 2010|10:34 am]
Whole lotta labia.
I have a new job. One where I get to do things I like and walk my daughter to school in the morning AND walk her home at night. I'm working at a desk I built myself from bare wood. My life is really really good right now and the funk of stress and anger that built up over the last six months is sloughing off finally. I have to work through Pennsic, but I did that last year and the ability to be there at night and around my friends? That's a reasonable trade-off.

Also, I miss you guys.
link9 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [May. 10th, 2010|03:38 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
Later, when we're sitting around having coffee and chatting about power tools, let's pretend my that I don't do most of my projects in the kitchen. Also, let's pretend my kitchen doesn't look this bad. In my defense, we just finished moving in today and most of that stuff will be put away by Tuesday. But for now, let's just wave our Magic Wand of Martha Stewart and pretend this is a nice shiny workshop somewhere with all the tools on pegboards and stuff instead of on my counters.

My new headboard...Collapse )

And today's lesson learned is this: If you think to yourself 'This is really hard to do from this angle' you should stop and stand up and move to a more comfortable position. Because I don't care what your college boyfriend told you, nothing is ever made easier or more fun by doing it at an awkward and uncomfortable angle. Especially if it involves a nail gun.
link5 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [Apr. 21st, 2010|05:45 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
Well, my hand hasn't been this sore since the time I used a circular saw to cut up a 6x6 to make a platform bed. But it was worth it because we're now home mortgage owners! The closing actually went off without a hitch. We met at 4 and at about 5:15 I started to breathe again for the first time in a month. Chloe spent the time getting acclimated to her new school and when we picked her up we got Chinese from the place next door and went back to the new house for a carpet picnic.

Here are Daddy and Chloe (and her huge bunny) heading up the walk to our new green door!

The most common view of a toddler, walking away from you. Here Chloe and the bunny are off to explore her new room (also her new closet, her new bathroom sink, her new a/c registers, Mommy's closet, and several light switches).



We have a bona fide ornamental cherry tree in our front yard and it's still got some blooms on it. Steve and Chloe stopped running around long enough to pose in front of it. Kinda. She's halfway through struggling her way out of his grip and off to the rest of the back yard but we held her still long enough to snap this.



And here is the intrepid suburbanite himself, bringing in the necessities. MREs, caffeine, and the binoculars so he can see if the zombies are invading.

During the closing the lawyer brought out the documents where they detail any aliases you might have. Usually it's just middle name and middle initial and stuff but Steve has the same name as his father and a name with a couple of common spellings so his was a bit more involved. They even presented him with a spelling we'd never even dreamed of.

Lawyer: So I'm assuming based on the paperwork that your name is not spelled Steven.
Steve: No, it's not.
Lawyer: And you're not Steven R. either?
Steve: No. That's my father.
Lawyer: How about Stehin? Does anyone ever call you Stehin?
Steve: Nooooo. I have occasionally wished to be called Allejandro, but no one ever took me seriously.
Lawyer: *confused blinking*
Me: *pleased I married him*
link8 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2010|05:49 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
[Tags|]
[Current Location |US, Maryland, Frederick, Linganore-Bartonsville, Ridgefield Dr]

My hand is so sore. But all done! OMG I CAN HAS HOUSE!!

link14 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2010|12:50 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
I have nervous knots in my belly and a cashier's check big enough to buy a black-market baby.  Must be closing day.
link7 people feel chatty|have ye a valediction, boy-o?

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