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An open letter to the scores of big burly men just milling around the… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[May. 14th, 2004|02:37 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
[how ya feelin'? |calmcalm]

An open letter to the scores of big burly men just milling around the parking lot of the Glen Burnie Wal-Mart.

Dear Sirs,

It's a good thing I'm stronger than I look and that I have good leg muscles, because if I were depending on your chivalric instinct to help me out I'd be shit out of luck, now wouldn't I? No no.. please... don't stir yourself from your butt-picking or nose-scratching to help me. Yes yes, you're right, this seven-foot bookshelf couldn't possibly be as heavy as it looks. Dicks.

-Melly


Cait and I hit the Target last night with my giftcard and got all kinds of silly things.. a microwave, a paper towel holder, a kitchen trash can, a new shower head... like that. She and K had dinner with me and it was very nice to have them in the house..

I'm looking forward to tonight.. it's Troy with Matt and his mentor (and mentor's wife) both of whom I adore.. and then it's sailor chat and then long long long sleeping.

Matt's off to a fighting event this weekend where he's going to be doing combat archery and not running anywhere (lest I should kick his ass). So I'm devoting my Saturday to cleaning the basement and hanging pictures in the house. We're going camping next weekend and I'll be fuckbuggered if I'm going to be flailing around on Thursday night trying to figure out where I left my tent stakes. Screw that.

Sunday is brunch with my father who is then taking me shopping for dishes. Woot!


In order to keep me from goofing off and not working this weekend I have many many audio books to listen to while I work. (And the answer to your question, Laura, is that I can't hear the TV in the basement so putting Simon on would be of no help at all. But I'll probably listen to him while I mop the kitchen floor.)

I've got the next Jack and Stephen book, Steve Martin's The Pleasure of My Company (which I've already read but loved so much I want to hear how he reads it), Big Fish, and also.. yes.. because I couldn't resist it, The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse. (Dood, how could I *not*?? It's almost as good as Island of the Sequined Love Nun)

What are you guys doing this weekend?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: insidian
2004-05-14 11:41 am (UTC)
Island of the Sequined Love Nun? Want! What's it about? I mean, other than sequined prayer?

Which BGB book are you on?
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 11:53 am (UTC)
OMG! YOU MUST KNOW THIS AUTHOR!!!

Island of the Sequined Love Nun is about a cargo cult in Micronesia who have set up a religion around a WWII cargo pilot and now they're worshipping his nose art. Could I make this up? It's by a guy named Christopher Moore. He's hysterically funny and at the end of his books I'm always like .. "Yeah. Dude. Yeah."


His website is http://www.chrismoore.com and you can read the first chapter of his new novel here: http://www.chrismoore.com/books_files/S_Angel_ch1.htm or the prologue and first chapter to his BEST book here: http://www.chrismoore.com/lambprologue.html and go get him from the library. He's worth reading now and buying later.

(and I just started The Surgeon's Mate)
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[User Picture]From: minervacat
2004-05-14 11:55 am (UTC)
Don't worry. I'll loan her my copy of Lamb. :)
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 11:56 am (UTC)
*whew* Thank God. I'd hate for her to not know it because.. because Biff.. and the elephant.. and shaving the yak... and the wages of sin is three sheckles. *giggle*

He's apparently doing a radio interview in Chicago on the 5th of June to promote Fluke in paperback.
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[User Picture]From: minervacat
2004-05-14 11:58 am (UTC)
The bits about the yak made me laugh so hard that all the other people riding the bus turned and stared at me. I try to keep my bus-laughing to a minimum, to aviod the staring, but with Biff, I just couldn't.

I really need to read more of Moore's stuff - listersgirl was telling me what she thought the best ones were, but what about you? What's your favorite?
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 12:08 pm (UTC)
Hmm.. It depends on my mood. My favorite of all of them is Lamb. I think it's got the tightest writing, the best characters, and the most... meat.

For sheer wonderful laughs and the feeling that love conquers all I read "Bloodsucking Fiends" because the turkey bowling makes me snarf things out my nose and because I adore Jody.

Island of the Sequined Love Nun is great but very very silly.

Fluke is a wonderful kind of ... culmination for him.. tight writing, good characters, oddball story. It's not as meaningful as Biff but it's still great (and I *heart* my signed copy).

I'm less of a fan of Coyote Blue and The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove but that's like saying that Stirling is my least favorite decrepit Scottish castle.. I still like them more than most of the other books I own.

Oh, and if you're looking for books that will make you laugh out loud on the bus, try Stephen Fry's The Hippopotamus which made me snort while laughing and caused me to have a row to myself on a sold-out NYC to DC train. (Actually anything of Stephen's is wonderful but The Liar and The Hippopotamus are the only truly funny ones.)
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[User Picture]From: lalartu
2004-05-15 04:54 pm (UTC)
Now I may have to read these books, but let me tell you that I already have a definition for "yak shaving" and I am doing it right now.
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[User Picture]From: insidian
2004-05-14 11:59 am (UTC)
*happy dance*

Yay!
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[User Picture]From: insidian
2004-05-14 12:00 pm (UTC)
mellyflori: Super Lit Pimp.

SMOOCHES!
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 12:10 pm (UTC)
And seriously, when you get to the part about the Kama Sutra you have to think of me (but not like that!) because I was reading that part in my doctor's office while waiting for a wisdom-tooth-removal-surgery follow up appointment and I laughed so hard I popped two stitches.

I wrote an email to the author about it and he wrote back and told me I was funny. I nearly hyperventilated.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 12:39 pm (UTC)
I love Christopher Moore. He's one of my top five favorite authors. The fact that he's got a new book coming out makes me go all giggly. :)

I actually got to hear him speak last year and I laughed my fool ass off. I'm so jealous that you're nearby!!
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[User Picture]From: minervacat
2004-05-14 11:44 am (UTC)
What are you guys doing this weekend?
Dude, movies. I'm going to see Troy with insidian tonight, and then Van Helsing with her tomorrow afternoon, and then tomorrow night is a triple feature at our local Brew 'N' View of Kill Bill Vol 1, Secret Window and Eurotrip.

And if I think I can sit still for one more movie, I'm going to see The Saddest Music In The World on Sunday, because I have a big girlcrush on Isabella Rosselini.

Big Fish is amazing. I loved the movie, but the book stole my heart.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 11:58 am (UTC)
Isabella Rosselini is one of the most beautiful women alive. She's like her mother.. she only gets classier and better looking. *jealous*

So it's good yes? I didn't see the movie but the reviews and stuff at Amazon convinced me.. and having your backup on that helps (because you have a copy of Lamb, and therefore you rock.)
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[User Picture]From: minervacat
2004-05-14 12:06 pm (UTC)
There's a gorgeous photo of her in this week's Entertainment Weekly - the one with Brad Pitt on the cover - and a great interview, which is what convinced me that I need to see this new movie of hers. And she's on Alias! I had no idea. But yeah. She's almost too beautiful to be real. I adore her. *jealous with you*

Big Fish is great. I'm a sucker for stories about stories, about mythology and creating mythology, and it's exactly that. And the writing's lovely, light and airy and totally serious all at the same time. I think it'll be great to listen to; I can totally hear how it would sound.
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From: starfishchick
2004-05-14 11:51 am (UTC)
Hey, Glen Burnie! The town where it's always "HOT NOW"!

Not sure yet what I'm doing this weekend. Sad, isn't it?
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 12:00 pm (UTC)
Yay! Hot Now!

I don't think that's sad.. I think you have the whole weekend ahead of you and you can spend it however you want. Go you! \o/
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From: starfishchick
2004-05-14 12:27 pm (UTC)
Possibly seeing Troy, but am afraid not a fan of opening weekend crowds.

Maybe helping my Mom in the garden on Sunday.

Reading. Writing my FRICKING BSC FIC THAT IS NOW OVER A WEEK LATE!!
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[User Picture]From: ravenscathedral
2004-05-14 12:06 pm (UTC)
me, I'm gonna finish up my newest Nagle fic so I can post on Monday :)
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-14 12:11 pm (UTC)
Really really??? YAY! Oooh I can't wait to read it. :)
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From: jenish
2004-05-15 02:20 pm (UTC)
*feels horribly uneducated* Um... Jack and Stephen book?

I'm new here. Meh. I have so much catching up to do...

not least with this Chistopher Moore guy. How come I've never heard of him?!
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2004-05-20 01:37 pm (UTC)
STupid LJ not giving me my comments. I missed this until just now. Jack and Stephen book would be the next book in the Aubrey/Maturin series written by Patrick O'Brian. The Master and Commander books. I'm afraid I've fallen rather in love with them.

And I have no idea why you haven't heard of Christopher Moore but good god woman! Remedy that! He makes me laugh so hard that stuff comes flying out my nose. Get thee to a library! :)
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From: jenish
2004-05-21 02:41 pm (UTC)
I shall hie me to my beloved library <3

And I've just started reading the Master and Commander books. I'm half way through the first one, and they make me laugh in about four different ways at once! :)
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