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This is what it's like to be me right now. I went to the store to… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[Jun. 8th, 2005|01:27 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
[how ya feelin'? |confusedconfused]

This is what it's like to be me right now.

I went to the store to get my birth control prescription and some lunch. I came home with a muffin the size of my head, a pack of gum, and Chuck Palahniuk's new book "Haunted."

Oh, and my birth control. Let's don't get stupid now.

Intentions vs. outcome. Story of my Wednesday.

For a slightly more entertaining interlude, I offer you this quote from really quite early in the book. It made me snarf Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper into my sinuses.



A friend of mine, when he ws thirteen years old he heard about "pegging." This is when a guy gets banged up the butt with a dildo. Stimulate the prostate gland hard enough, and the rumor is that you can have explosive hands-free orgasms. At that age, this friend's a little sex maniac. He's always jonesing for a better way to get his rocks off. He goes out to buy a carrot and some petroleum jelly. To conduct a little private research. Then he pictures how it's going to look at the supermarket checkstand. The lonely carrot and the petroleum jelly rolling down the conveyor belt toward the grocery-store cashier. All the shoppers waiting in line, watching. Everyone seeing the big evening he has planned.

So, my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot. All the ingredients for a carrot cake. And Vaseline.

Like he's going to go home and stick a carrot cake up his butt.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: slightlytricky
2005-06-08 05:34 pm (UTC)
A carrot and petroleum jelly... good times, good times.

Why is today being so long, Comrade Snarky?
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[User Picture]From: yellow_oranges
2005-06-08 05:38 pm (UTC)
moohaha one day I hope to be the pegger. That's what slash has done for me!!

Diet Vanilla Cherry Dr. Pepper is awesome! Wish I had one right now.
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[User Picture]From: alex_wench
2005-06-08 06:24 pm (UTC)
That my friends is classy stuff :)

But come on, how many women have gotten the look as they bought the big ass cucumber at the grocery. God help you if you need oil or something. :)
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-08 07:49 pm (UTC)
Alex.. seriously.. you have to read this book. You'd love Chuck.
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[User Picture]From: ebullientjenn
2005-06-08 07:45 pm (UTC)
Dude, I'm so scared of this story. I just keep remembering the other one, the swimming pool one. That was so funny. Is it me or does he seem to be mildly anally obsessed?
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-06-08 07:49 pm (UTC)
In fact, that's the beginning of the swimming pool story. I love this man so much. This makes me want to go find Lullaby and read it over again. Just for the line where he's like "It's a book made out of a 1000 year old dead witch's skin.. YOU lick it."
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[User Picture]From: ebullientjenn
2005-06-08 08:01 pm (UTC)
Of course it's the beginning of the swimming pool story. That's very appropriate. Also, I think we just agreed to buy a house :) whee!
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[User Picture]From: marginalia
2005-06-08 11:25 pm (UTC)
ahhh. i thought it sounded familiar. but it's chuck, so it -could- have been from something entirely different ;)
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[User Picture]From: alex_wench
2005-06-09 11:50 pm (UTC)
I'm still screwed up from the swimming pool story - damn you Rhy
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