||[Jun. 8th, 2005|01:27 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
|[||how ya feelin'?
This is what it's like to be me right now.
I went to the store to get my birth control prescription and some lunch. I came home with a muffin the size of my head, a pack of gum, and Chuck Palahniuk's new book "Haunted."
Oh, and my birth control. Let's don't get stupid now.
Intentions vs. outcome. Story of my Wednesday.
For a slightly more entertaining interlude, I offer you this quote from really quite early in the book. It made me snarf Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper into my sinuses.
A friend of mine, when he ws thirteen years old he heard about "pegging." This is when a guy gets banged up the butt with a dildo. Stimulate the prostate gland hard enough, and the rumor is that you can have explosive hands-free orgasms. At that age, this friend's a little sex maniac. He's always jonesing for a better way to get his rocks off. He goes out to buy a carrot and some petroleum jelly. To conduct a little private research. Then he pictures how it's going to look at the supermarket checkstand. The lonely carrot and the petroleum jelly rolling down the conveyor belt toward the grocery-store cashier. All the shoppers waiting in line, watching. Everyone seeing the big evening he has planned.
So, my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot. All the ingredients for a carrot cake. And Vaseline.
Like he's going to go home and stick a carrot cake up his butt.