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And after the ass raping I'm getting at my mechanic I figured.. oh… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[Aug. 30th, 2005|02:17 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
[how ya feelin'? |crankycranky]

And after the ass raping I'm getting at my mechanic I figured.. oh what the hell..

The scale was down yesterday and then up again today, thanks in part to the salt-lick fellating I did yesterday evening. Oh well. It wasn't back up all the way to Frida levels again so it's not so bad. I haven't been eating well today, I just haven't. Nor yesterday. I did fine (-ish) over the weekend and then just got stupid after the mechanic. Stress eating, I'm so your bitch. Oh well, at least I know. And knowing is half the battle. (And that's five Sooper Sekrit Bonus Points to everyone who just said "Go Joe" either outloud or in your cute little head)

The big news of the day is that I went in for my first session with the personal trainer. It appears that no matter what you saya about your routine, your progress, your needs, or whatever, they *still* make you do a fitness evaluation. And they're *still* going to make me do a "first workout" with this guy like I just fell off the fitness turnip truck. *sigh*

Also? Fuck you, Cybex. Just.. fuck you. It said I had "below average" fitness levels on the little fitness test. Below average? No, you cockknocker. I have a low resting heart rate and a high target zone and I'm used to a 5 minute warm-up. So if you're going to judge me on my ability to maintain a constant heart rate through a five minute test you're going to be seriously fucked up. Because I went from 65BPM to 159BPM over the course of five minutes and I thought it was going to flip right the fuck out. Below average. My ass.

And also? I'm going to stuff a seriously above average technical running shoe right up my trainer's ass the next time he uses the phrase "feel the burn" on me. I've got an idea... How about you ask me what my fitness history is, trust me when I tell you, and stop treating me like I'm one of those Barbies who worries when her workout outfits clash. And when I say the phrase "I do most of my work on freeweights, I think it helps me maintain good range of motion in my exercises" don't look at me like I'm an alien. I'm not in there to get pretty, I'm in there to improve my machine and ensure that one order of creme brulee isn't going to fuck up how my jeans fit. I'm in there to increase my basal metabolic rate, improve my lower back strength, and ensure that when the good lord sees fit to give me little rug rats I can chase them around without getting winded. DAMN people piss me off sometimes.

Ok, that's enough of that.


I made two BPAL purchases off the forums, we'll see how that does me. Some scents I might not have picked were they not $1 but we'll see how they turn out. The nice thing is that it's a relatively cheap hobby if you don't go nuts with it.

The nice mechanic should be done with my car tonight. And he was nice enough to let me split it over two paychecks.. because.. y'know.. he's a good guy. In the mean time I'm driving the sexiest car around.. what makes a car sexy? When your best friend loans it to you so you don't have to hitch a ride or carpool. \o/

Over the weekend I got loved on from Seattle and Orlando. Totally opposite ends of the country wrapped around me like a hug. Now that? That's love. :)

How are you guys?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: thewhitedragon
2005-08-30 06:19 pm (UTC)
gimme mah fahv poy-ints.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-08-30 06:41 pm (UTC)
Sugar.. why do you even read the B&H stuff? It's my food and my gym and it's boring beyond reason. You get extra points for having actually read any of that crap.
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[User Picture]From: thewhitedragon
2005-08-30 08:03 pm (UTC)
I read more than people think, I assure you. I just usually don't say anything.
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[User Picture]From: slightlytricky
2005-08-30 06:21 pm (UTC)
Imma post my baltimore schedule o' doom.

One week from TODAY omg. *packs*
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-08-30 06:41 pm (UTC)
WHEE!
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[User Picture]From: ravenscathedral
2005-08-30 08:33 pm (UTC)
DOOM DOOM DOOM

How is it possible that there is doomage to be had and I am unable to be there?
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2005-08-30 06:28 pm (UTC)
i'm. in new york.

:\
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-08-30 06:41 pm (UTC)
Yes.. you are, aren't you? Oh _cee. I thought of you last night when my local 6pm newscast decided that the best "wind blowing a sign around" shot they could come up with was for the sex toy shop on Bourbon St.

Caitlin says the hardest thing in the world is to have a vested interest in the outcome of something and no control over it whatsoever. I wish I could kidnap you.. I'd take your mind off things by inviting you to mock the water aerobics class with me. In my heart I know those old ladies could kick my ass, it makes the mocking sweeter.
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2005-08-30 06:43 pm (UTC)
Caitlin says the hardest thing in the world is to have a vested interest in the outcome of something and no control over it whatsoever.

that is really the most elegant summation. yes, that's exactly it.

melliest, i will be spending my vacation in sunny baltimore - a week starting tomorrow. i think you know what this means. min will be about on the weekend as well.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-08-30 07:17 pm (UTC)
i think you know what this means.

*runs about in circles* WOO! When do you get here? What are my chances of getting you and Lala in one place for lunch on Friday?
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2005-08-30 07:18 pm (UTC)
i get in tomorrow afternooneveningish, so i would say those chances are very good indeed. mellies, let me email you with my cell phone number so that there can be coordination. :)
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-08-30 07:20 pm (UTC)
Luuuuvely. mellyflori at gmail works bestest.

And I promise that no matter where we go for lunch you can say "cocksucker" as many times as you want.
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2005-08-30 07:40 pm (UTC)
and lo, i have the appropriate icon.
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[User Picture]From: ipso__facto
2005-08-30 07:38 pm (UTC)
pretty good as far as i'm concerned as long as we don't meet somewhere too far from my place of employme-

hi, i had a thought. maybe i'll take a half day on friday and just follow cee up to chez velvetqueerbitch (queervelvetbitch? bitchyvelvetqueer? ahahah okay i'm done) for the evening. oh, or maybe not cause our city labor day festival starts friday. argh. wait, let me try again

HI YIS PLS I'D LIKE TO COME FOR LUNCH
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-08-30 08:29 pm (UTC)
Good. :) We'll figure it out Lala. Promises.
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[User Picture]From: insidian
2005-08-30 06:47 pm (UTC)
OMG I HATE THAT PERSONAL TRAINER! I think he migrated from Chicago. This was my interview:

Him: So what are your weightloss goals?
Me: Um, I don't have any. I wanna run.
Him: Okay, but how many pants sizes you want to lose?
Me: Not a factor. I want to get healthy.
Him: Inches?
Me: Don't. Care. Running, weights, yoga.
Him: Okay. How much you wanna be able to bench?
Me: *facepalm*

It's like, general health isn't a thing that computes.

Hate.

BUT LOFF FOR JOOOO!
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2005-08-30 07:19 pm (UTC)
He's like "Well, I need a number." So I said "*insert number here*" and he goes "That's like 30 more pounds."

Well DUH. Math is HARD!

He said "That could around four months."

I nearly slapped him. I ended up just saying "Yes, I know that, I'd rather it come off slow and stay off. And I'd rather focus on muscles and stamina than numbers."

Are they just dumb?
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[User Picture]From: insidian
2005-08-30 07:26 pm (UTC)
But... Melly...

Aren't we supposed to become so disgusted with our gross girl bodies that we starve them and work them into stick figuredom for a couple of weeks to catch A Man and then stuff ourselves fat again because girls have no control over themselves? ISN'T THAT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK!?!?!

Oh. I forgot. We're crazy femi-nazis who think our bodies are our own to love and take care of. Whoops.

er, I didn't know I was quite so angry today
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[User Picture]From: kfitzwarin
2005-08-30 07:50 pm (UTC)
Mwahahahahahaha!

I had much the same experience with little Mr. Man at my gym. I said "I want to be fit" and that apparently wasn't one of the pre-selected girlie answers. He handed me off to a cool chick for a while though, but then she went on maternity leave....
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[User Picture]From: protoainsley
2005-08-30 07:20 pm (UTC)
It's like, general health isn't a thing that computes.

In this society, it isn't.
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[User Picture]From: insidian
2005-08-30 07:28 pm (UTC)
NOT FAIR!

I call shenanigans on Society! She-nani-fuckin'-gans!
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[User Picture]From: protoainsley
2005-08-30 07:35 pm (UTC)
Society's not listening to you, you terrorist and member of the reality-based community. Knowing is the half of the battle that's missing from the equation.

I admire you, Sid, and you, Melly, for what you do. Healthy isn't boring. I lust after it--just not quite enough to find the patience to cope with my insane out-of-shape-ness.
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[User Picture]From: protoainsley
2005-08-30 07:26 pm (UTC)
knowing is half the battle.

Hard to comprehend how people who heard this frequently in their youth could possibly buy the party line, isn't it?

I've met with personal trainers twice (once for one session, once for three). The first time was all calipers and stupid shit I don't care about and was a waste of my time, because I came out not knowing any better how to get into the shape in which I wanted to be. The second time I had my specific goals written out before going in, sat the trainer down and read them to him, and said that I wasn't going to do the caliper bullshit. He didn't make me. It was an excellent session, and I'd go to him as a trainer again in a heartbeat, had I money. All trainers should be like him, rather than the unbalanced muscle junkies they too often seem to be.

In other words, the "trainer" should be the one getting the anal raping, not you. Unless you want the anal raping, in which case, have at it.

:)
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[User Picture]From: ipso__facto
2005-08-30 07:43 pm (UTC)

a real american hero

If they're anything like my gym, the fitness evaluation is a) for insurance purposes (if something happens to aggravate a pre-existing condition, it's not their fault) and b) to keep a record of where you started so that you can see your progress. Also, you should have come here and I could have hooked you up with either of our trainers who would, I promise, listen to you. :/ Cockknocker. Ahahaha.

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[User Picture]From: yellow_oranges
2005-08-30 07:45 pm (UTC)
I'm glad to hear your mechanic is working with you. I had to borrow a friend's car last week when my battry suddenly died. A Jeep Wrangler. Which I totally fell out of and have the most spectacular bruises from. I hope your loaner treats you better!!
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[User Picture]From: wilfulcait
2005-08-30 10:51 pm (UTC)
I keep thinking we should get rid of that car, but it keeps coming in handy. Still, at some point we should get rid of it.

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