How many things make a post? Proof that you people are a bad…

How many things make a post? Proof that you people are a bad… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast

Whole lotta labia.

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[Jun. 20th, 2007|03:23 pm]

Whole lotta labia.

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How many things make a post?

Proof that you people are a bad influence: When in the Target, should you find yourself walking past the book racks at a good clip and catch the title of one out of the corner of your eye.. rest assured it actually says "Sudoku Overload." It does not say "Bukkake Overload." Trust me on this.

I bought myself a case of Bud Light with this one: WHAT THE TAPDANCING FUCK IS UP WITH THE FOOD THEIVES IN THIS PLACE?! I put my lunch in the freezer. I go to cook it? Gone. I figure hey, whatever, lots of people bring in pre-packaged frozen entrees, maybe someone made an honest mistake. I label my next attempt. FUCKING GONE. Dude. Do not steal the pregnant lady's food. That's just fucking mean. I had some choice things to say. I did.

This office gets weirder all the time: I can't think of a time when I've been absolutely certain that my workday called for fake eyelashes with glitter and rhinestones along the lid line. But apparently that nice woman in the call center has. Apparently it's a daily thing with her. I just... wow. They're gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but it's a good day around here if I've upgraded from ChapStick to actual real live lipgloss. I'm a bad girly girl.

Keep it to yourself, buddy: I understand that all kinds of functions happen in a restroom. I do. Everyone has bodily waste and everyone has to get rid of it. But dude, in a restroom used by a large office staff, many of whom are actually in stalls adjoining yours at this very moment could you maybe keep the grunting to yourself? Just a thought.

You long for these bits of randomness, you know you do. And now? Documentation.

link

Comments:

From:

dawntreader90
2007-06-20 08:28 pm (UTC)

how about put a note on it that says, "STOP EATING MY FUCKING LUNCH YOU FUCKING MORON! I'M GODDAMNED PREGNANT!" or would that be out of line?

in any case, i would at least send an email around to watch what you take out of the freezer and that things are labeled for a reason so that PREGANT PEOPLE can get their proper nutrition in a timely manner.

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

dawntreader90
2007-06-20 08:30 pm (UTC)

p.s. too bad it was frozen foods. you could have made the case in your office email that your leftovers had all your required daily laxatives mixed in it and that you hoped no one was taken ill by it. *lol*

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

wizardglick
2007-06-20 11:41 pm (UTC)

I think a note on your Michealena's that says "WHAT THE TAP-DANCING FUCK IS UP WITH THE FOOD THIEVES IN THIS PLACE!" Would do nicely :-)

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From:

mellyflori
2007-06-21 02:21 am (UTC)

It does have a certain ring to it.

Here's the thing, right.. My office is divided into two parts, the behind-the-scenes crew (tech weenies, project managers, client glad-handers) and the call center staff (we do those calls about whether or not you liked the guy who sold you your car, they make the calls). About two months ago we get this mail from our HR director saying "We're about to have a bunch of new people starting in the call center. Please ensure that you are taking proper care with your personal belongings, please ensure that your laptops are locked up and that you do not leave purses or wallets out on desktops." And we all laughed our damned asses off because why was this suddenly going to be a concern? What would make one of the new guys more likely to run off with stuff than those of us who'd been working there already?

And then in the course of the last couple of weeks we've lost appliances, food (tiny complaint, I know) and the $800 USB projector from the board room upstairs. I don't mean to be uncharitable but... dude.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

wizardglick
2007-06-21 02:35 pm (UTC)

First draft of the memo. "We have a bunch of guys working for us, and we are pretty sure that some of them are thieves. It's your problem now."

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

dawntreader90
2007-06-21 02:07 pm (UTC)

that also works!!! i say do it!!!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

mellyflori
2007-06-21 02:22 am (UTC)

See, once they start making off with my Lean Cuisines I think there's no such thing as "out of line." :D

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From:

starfishchick
2007-06-20 08:43 pm (UTC)

Do not steal the pregnant lady's food.

Possibly you should put THAT on the next label.

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

mellyflori
2007-06-21 02:22 am (UTC)

Can I finish it with "asshat," because that would rock. :)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

starfishchick
2007-06-27 07:56 pm (UTC)

YES, you have my permission. :)

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From:

alex_wench
2007-06-20 09:07 pm (UTC)

doesn't everyone wear glitter to work everyday ???...???

Also, those people better be careful, i have seen you back in the day almost take out someone over your little box if Frosted Flakes.. just sayin's all..

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

mellyflori
2007-06-21 02:16 am (UTC)

It's these big long fake eyelashes with glitter in them. That's just..... how is that everyday wear? I'm floored.

I miss you.

I miss Frosted Flakes too. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

alex_wench
2007-06-21 03:33 am (UTC)

I do.

I miss u 2.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

traveller
2007-06-20 10:05 pm (UTC)

mellies, your icon put the 'come to kenya' song firmly in my head for the last hour of the day, which was frankly the only thing that kept me from stabbing my officemate in the neck with a pen.

i love youuuu

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