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ST and I went to see the movie about that Potter kid last night.… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[Jul. 17th, 2007|10:19 am]
Whole lotta labia.
[how ya feelin'? |contemplativecontemplative]

ST and I went to see the movie about that Potter kid last night.



Here's the thing, there should be two seperate movie rating systems. One for people who don't have a 7lb basketball sitting on their bladders and sciatic nerves, and one for those who do. Because Steve loved it but I can sum it up like this:

Eh.

Was it good? Eh.
Was it entertaining? Eh.
How bad did you have to pee? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I'd forgotten that this was the book during which Harry became a petulant teenaged brat and I stopped liking him and started relying on supporting characters for my Potterverse love. Sadly, someone spiked Emma Watson's tea with extract of Shatner and her line readings were all.. squiffy somehow. And Rupert was going for "awkward puberty" and actually managed to trip and fall into "slightly stalkerish breast oogler" or something like it. The bit with the giant was totally extraneous. And there wasn't nearly enough Cho or Ginny (which I just almost wrote as Chinny, which would be funny). So basically I spent the entire movie not caring what happened to any of the kids, pretty sure Dumbledore was going to make it, and having to pee.

When all you care about is what happens to the adults? It's not as good a movie.

Things I liked: Emma Thompson could wear a burlap sack and still be the cutest thing ever and I'd watch her read the phone book. Imelda was just a brilliant stroke of casting and I loved seeing her on screen with Emma, it made me want to watch Much Ado and Sense and Sensibility and all the movies they've been in which weren't Eh. There was some good genuine affection between Sirius and Harry, I liked that a lot. Gary poured HP sauce all over the scenery and chewed it to bits, as per usual, but you've come to expect that of him and you'd have been disappointed if he were sedate.

OH! And the fucking Dark is Rising trailer made me so fucking mad I almost got up and left right there. I mean... are you shitting me? First, I blame J.K. Rowling for this. Because you know they were like "Oh no, can't have another movie about some British kid who finds out he's got secret powers, better make it American. And while we're at it, better make it modern." Just... just fuck off. Will looks petulant and pissy and it's ruining the character of the story. Get your hands off my book and fuck off. Oh I'll see it, of course. Because it's only my favorite series of books in the whole wide world. And I've been wrong before. I was, after all, the one who bitched about how they had the audacity to cast some pretty-boy Australian musical theater star as *my* Logan and how bad was that going to suck?! I was 100% wrong about that. I was. I'm willing to be wrong about this too. I just don't think I will be. I'm going to have to wash my brain out with The Golden Compass and Stardust.

So, to sum up on the Potter movie: Trailers mostly good, bile mostly low, movie mostly made me wish I were at home, woman behind us mostly needs to wash her crotch more often than once every fortnight because she was making Steve nauseated. I'll certainly see it again when I'm not so ruled by my physical concerns, and when I can see the 4th pretty close to it so the narrative isn't lost, but the best part about the night was getting to canoodle with Steve in the dark for a while. :)


And that was that. More later.
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: traveller
2007-07-17 02:37 pm (UTC)
and because i home in on what's REALLY important:

Imelda was just a brilliant stroke of casting and I loved seeing her on screen with Emma, it made me want to watch Much Ado and Sense and Sensibility and all the movies they've been in which weren't Eh.

did you Eh "Peter's Friends"? i am curioused, because i love that movie like a wretch.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2007-07-17 02:43 pm (UTC)
Actually, I just had a case of the dumb and left it off my list. It was the first one I mentioned to Steve last night when making this point, as it's one of my favorite little secret movies. Stephen is such a big queen and Hugh and Emma and oh, my heart, Tony Slattery, and the site of Rita Rudner sipping water out of her soup bowl. Also? I love the soundtrack. I just do.

My morning just got a little better. :)
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2007-07-17 02:50 pm (UTC)
what kind of books did he write?
self-help.


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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2007-07-17 02:56 pm (UTC)
Now that is what I call an extremely long dick.
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2007-07-17 02:59 pm (UTC)
*clappy clap clap*

*bounce*
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2007-07-17 04:09 pm (UTC)
On a related "movies people I like should see so that I can quote them" did you see The Linguini Incident?
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2007-07-17 04:10 pm (UTC)
non! tell of this item!
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2007-07-17 04:21 pm (UTC)
IMDB on it is here: http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0102313/

David Bowie plays a con artist/bartender and Rosanna Arquette plays an escape artist/waitress. They work together at this uber-trendy restaurant and they're both faboo but the real genius is the supporting cast. Marlee Matlin is the cashier, Arquette's best friend Vivian steals the show, and the restaurant owners (Cecil and Dante) win at life. Plus, it's thoroughly quotable.

Bowie brings the girls a breakfast of cotton candy and says "I brought breakfast, ladies, eat up. Don't eat, die. Medical fact."

And later, the gem: "Viv, your tits are making me very sad."

Plus, at one point, Iman steals an entire scene without opening her mouth.

If you're ever in the mood to take a chance, of an evening, give it a shot. Give it 20 minutes to warm up, but give it a shot.
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[User Picture]From: wizardglick
2007-07-17 05:04 pm (UTC)

Chortle



"Don't eat, die. Medical fact."


Although I've never seen the movie, I've used this line frequently since you told me it. :-)
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2007-07-17 08:07 pm (UTC)
eeeeeeeeee so noted! i shall look for it on netflix!!
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[User Picture]From: kfitzwarin
2007-07-17 03:28 pm (UTC)
One of my favorites of all time. So many fine people doing so many funny heartbreaking things.

"Fill me with your little babies!"
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[User Picture]From: kiltsandlollies
2007-07-17 02:46 pm (UTC)
that movie is DIVINE.
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2007-07-17 02:54 pm (UTC)
I love it so.
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[User Picture]From: kiltsandlollies
2007-07-17 02:47 pm (UTC)
I don't know anything about the actual story of Dark is Rising, but absolutely no one I know is happy about the movie, so that tells me something, hmm. Not even Nine can help it, apparently. And I haven't seen OoTP, but I'm prepared to just sit and enjoy. I've always loved the adults more than the kids, anyway, so I'm ready. :)
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2007-07-17 03:07 pm (UTC)
Mostly so far I'm appalled at the casting choices. I mean.. Ok, so my description of the main adult character includes the following phrases (straight out of the first book, for what it's worth):
He was tall and straight, wit ha lot of very thick, wild, white hair. In his grim brown face the nose curved fiercely, like a bent bow, and the eyes were deep-set and dark. How old he was, nobody knew. "Old as the hills," Father said, and they, felt, deep down, that this was probably right.


In what universe does this translate as Ian McShane? I *LOVE* Ian McShane. The sound of him saying "Cocksucker" is what runs through my head when I speak to morons, but as the wise and ancient uncle? I just don't think so.

Anyway... that's my personal gripe. Though I will say that if you're ever in the mood for a mental vacation you could plow through all five books in about 10 hours.
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[User Picture]From: writer_in_black
2007-07-17 03:19 pm (UTC)
someone spiked Emma Watson's tea with extract of Shatner

OMG XD

There was some good genuine affection between Sirius and Harry

It's about effing time that kid got HUGGED by an adult! Usually it's a handshake or a clap on the shoulder. that shit infuriates me.

Gary poured HP sauce all over the scenery and chewed it to bits

TRUE DAT.

Imelda was just a brilliant stroke of casting

She played it perfectly, didn't she? her little "hem hem" was great! also...THAT UMBRIDGE WOMAN WAS MY 11TH GRADE ENGLISH TEACHER. SWEAR TO GOD. *SHUDDERS* I remember thinking that same thing when I read the book and it was SCARY to see her done so well on screen. We used to tell stories to the freshmen that she kept the devil tied up in her closet and that she siphoned his blood for her red ink.

And the fucking Dark is Rising trailer made me so fucking mad I almost got up and left right there.

O_O uh oh. I guess it's a good thing I haven't read that one, huh. I know jack about that story. I was just fangirling Chris Eccleston with long hair.

*heart you*
~Naz

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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2007-07-17 04:14 pm (UTC)
The thing is, Naz, you'd love those books. They're wonderful and rich and deep and the characters are so rich. And now they're going to get dragged all around and have a love story shoved up their asses and it just makes me whiny.

Hi, hormones. :) (though Herr Eccleston with the hair? Lovely.)
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[User Picture]From: ipso__facto
2007-07-17 04:04 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you god, I am not the only person in the universe who thought the movie was 'Eh.'!!!!!!!!

Admittedly, I saw it half asleep, but I wasn't affected at all by the ending, and that should have hit me, damnit. I can only blame the fact that it moved so damn fast, I had no time to be emotionally invested in anyone or anything. Also, all the little bits of extraneous stuff, such as the Giant? Those were there for what, exactly? Either commit, or get out of my movie. I want Cuaron back.

But I agree with your pluses, oh yes.

That is all.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2007-07-17 04:13 pm (UTC)
Lala... it was both paced to slowly and moved too fast. Does that make sense? I just didn't have enough time to get invested in anything and then it all took too long to wrap up. Like saying "the food sucked, and the portions were small."

And I can't find any explanation for the giant at all. That would have worked out just as well with just centaurs and it would have saved us 7 to 8 minutes they could have either cut out immediately or spent setting up actual story in any of the following: young Mz. Lovegood, the history of the OotP, the importance of the prophecy, or any actual chemistry between the lead characters. I meant to type that last one in all caps but I just couldn't bring myself to care enough.

Hi.
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