||[Jul. 10th, 2008|07:55 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
A preface: Steve's assignment this morning was to write a letter in the voice of a child speaking to his or her parents. This is the result.|
Dear Support Staff,
I have taken a few moments out of my busy schedule to both commend your recent improvements in service and to correct a few glaring deficiencies that remain to be rectified.
To begin, allow me to applaud the new addition of Chik-Fil-A to the quotidian dinner time round of mashed and pureed comestibles. I would only add the reservation that Mommy fails to grasp the correct ketchup/waffle-fry ratio. Dada has bought into the ketchup delivery system algorithm, although he persists in sampling surreptitious bites of my badly-needed nuggets when he thinks no one is looking. Well I am looking, father, and assuming my protein-deprived diet ever allows me to grow to a normal size, one day will come a reckoning!
Similarly I would like to express my extreme trepidation at the proposed curtailment of my nipple-access privileges. Although I admit the recent addition of dentition may have led to some distress, surely even Mama must be able to grasp that unfettered bosom access is an inalienable and exclusive part of my mandate. As such, any attempt to deny such rights will be met with sanctions that will make a bit of judicious and appropriate mammary chewing pale to insignificance.
Chloe Jean, B.D.