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Y'know, I've been thinking about this for days and I'm just going to… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[Dec. 22nd, 2008|10:27 am]
Whole lotta labia.
Y'know, I've been thinking about this for days and I'm just going to flat out do it. I'm stealing this right from Min who I hope will forgive me but I needed this today. :D

Go ahead, hit me with it: Top Five Christmas Songs You'd Like To Never Hear Again

I'm holding off on mine, I'll put them up in a minute. I want to really make sure I've correctly worded my vitriol.

So, ok. Mine:

1) I Saw Mommy Being An Adulteress and Turned It Into A Charming Ditty. Fucking hate that song. HATE. I know we're all supposed to wink and laugh and think Oh how funny that the little kid didn't realize it was Daddy but.. let's think about this, shall we? What the fuck is Daddy doing dressing up if the kid is already in bed? I know my parents didn't. They pulled out the eggnog and the bourbon and spent five hours trying to put the decals on the Millenium Falcon the right way up, sure, but they certainly didn't do it all dolled up in red velvet and wigs and shit. So I think there's a pretty good chance that kids hearing that are going to think that Santa is on Mommy's "cheat list" and dude, if you have a cheat list that's fine, that's between you and your significant other. I'd like to think that if Sophie Marceau walked into my house in a diaphanous nightgown that ST would cut me some slack while I gratuitously groped her. But dude, don't make your kids wonder about it. And certainly don't make them wonder about it with goddamned Santa.


2) Little Drummer Boy. Even the sainted version with David Bowie. In fact, *especially* that one.

3) As stated lovingly in the comments below, The Christmas Shoes. In fact, the only reason I can even stand to know it exists is that the movie based on it (oh yeah, they went there) helps to fill out my mother's collection of movies called The Christmas __________ where the blank is filled in by some kind of noun. The Christmas Shoes/Box/Letter/Wish you name it. So whenever I call her between Thanksgiving and New Years I say "So.. how are you? Sitting around watching The Christmas Memo/Recycling Bin/Cover Sheet?" And she says I'm an ungrateful brat and I laugh and am filled with the holiday spirit. Ah, Christmas.

4) All I Want for Christmas Is My Two----- y'know, I can't even make myself finish typing it. I hate it that much.

5) Anything done by Mariah Carey. I've said it before, I'll say it again: Mariah, put some clothes on, sit down, and shut the fuck up.

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From: fangirlsays
2008-12-22 03:30 pm (UTC)
"The Christmas Shoes." It's the only Christmas song that I absolutely will not listen to, ever. Gawd, it's depressing!
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2008-12-22 03:34 pm (UTC)
It's totally on my list, too!
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From: starfishchick
2008-12-22 03:33 pm (UTC)
This year, Jingle Bell Rock has been following me EVERYWHERE.

But I think Santa Baby has to be on my list.

I'd say the Christmas Date Rape Song - Baby It's Cold Outside - but I actually like to sing it. If it wasn't so creepy in its lyrical content, it'd be a nice song!

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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2008-12-22 04:05 pm (UTC)
Christmas Date Rape Song

Ok, that was funny as hell. I just laughed right out loud in the kitchen. :D
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[User Picture]From: kiltsandlollies
2008-12-22 03:43 pm (UTC)
Jingle bloody Bell effing Rock—DIE DIE DIE. Winter Wonderland. FROSTY. The Christmas Shoes. Blue Christmas. Grandma Got Run Over By a Crap Song. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (esp. the Bruce Springsteen as-long-as-fucking-STAIRWAY version). I Saw Mommy Kissing Some Git in a Red Suit.

Really, just about anything but the very old and creaky hymn type songs will drive me crazy after a second listen any holiday season. I don't even like freaking Rudolph.
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From: starfishchick
2008-12-22 03:47 pm (UTC)
We hardly EVER listen to the radio, but we had XM satellite in the car we rented last weekend, and we got the Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", which, OMG. (Although when he starts cracking up at the end? Hilarious.)
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[User Picture]From: genvandevander
2008-12-22 03:58 pm (UTC)
1) Christmas Shoes
2) All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
3) Christmas Shoes
4) Chipmunks Christmas song
5) Christmas Shoes
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2008-12-22 04:06 pm (UTC)
I sense a pattern. :)
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From: linaerys
2008-12-22 04:02 pm (UTC)
Pretty much anything with lyrics written after 1850 is on my hated list.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2008-12-22 04:10 pm (UTC)
I make room for a couple of modern additions but generally speaking if they don't make me think of hymnals and candles they're not on my "love" list.

So.. I'm pretty much out of TV to watch.. should I start Merlin?
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[User Picture]From: traveller
2008-12-22 04:24 pm (UTC)
ugh ugh ugh christmas songs. never was the phrase "fuck that noise" more apropos.
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[User Picture]From: minervacat
2008-12-22 05:16 pm (UTC)
i was pretty sure that i had posted this question as a top five once upon a time, and i had to go back and see what i said about it then. from december 1, 2005:

1. santa baby, no matter who's singing. I. HATE. THIS. SONG. this song makes me want to rip my ears off. seriously.

2. anything involving morning show hosts and parodies. THANK YOU, NOT FUNNY, MOVE ON.

3. little drummer boy. okay, so last year, this got a pass because of "in excelsis deo", which is a really excellent episode of west wing. but i heard this in a mall in the middle of november, and it has been stuck in my head ever since, and SO OFFICIALLY IT LOSES AT EVERYTHING, TOBY OR NO.

4. "all i want for christmas is you". redeemed somewhat by love, actually, but not really. all i want for christmas is a million dollars, okay? not you.

5. insert your standard top 40 remake of something classic here. i guarantee you: you all suck.

i have since backed off on "all i want for christmas is you" because of an excellent version of it i heard live last week, but the rest still stand. AND ALSO "THE CHRISTMAS SHOES".
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From: starfishchick
2008-12-22 05:40 pm (UTC)
all i want for christmas is you". redeemed somewhat by love, actually, but not really.

Annnnnnnnnnnnd now I will be watching Love, Actually. Again.
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[User Picture]From: wizardglick
2008-12-22 05:41 pm (UTC)

Never liked any version of "Jingle Bell Rock"

"Grandma got run over by a Reinder"..... Just. Yuk.

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From: magickalmolly
2008-12-22 06:37 pm (UTC)
I have never heard The Christmas Shoes. After reading the comments, I think I am glad about that. O_o

The Little Drummer Boy is the one I can't stand. It's so slow and plodding and argh. I have to admit Silent Night is also pretty annoying to me. Most of the kiddy songs grate on my nerves, too.

They pulled out the eggnog and the bourbon and spent five hours trying to put the decals on the Millenium Falcon the right way up

And this is why I love you. One of the reasons, anyway. That made me laugh SO HARD.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2008-12-22 09:41 pm (UTC)
I know, doesn't Little Drummer Boy just got on and on and on and ON and ON? I've been listening to Christmas songs in the car with TBD in the mornings but I have to change it if that one comes on because it takes up the whole ride and never gets boppy enough for her to bounce along.

And Molly? My mom totally did that with the Millenium Falcon. She bought it for my brother and didn't realize that the decals didn't already come on it. They'd finished putting together my dollhouse with the spiral staircase and everything and then went to put together Greg's present and saw that it was just blank gray plastic. My mom said her heart sank and she just topped off the eggnog and got to work. And not only that but the decals were the kind you have to dip in water and apply with tweezers.

They kept getting drunker and drunker and the decals got more and more crooked and I think some of them were on upside down and Greg and I never noticed, we loved that thing. Being a kid is wonderful and great but being a parent is kinda awesome sometimes too. :)
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[User Picture]From: i_kissandra
2008-12-22 06:51 pm (UTC)
Christmas in Kilarny must die.

The version of your #1 song done by Gwen Stefani (and pretty much any song of hers after she left No Doubt).

I do have to say that I still love the Drifters version of White Christmas. That will always be a favorite, I think. And it's Irving Berlin for cripes sake - classic.
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2008-12-22 09:38 pm (UTC)
I keep forgetting about Christmas in Kilarny, and then when I remember I have to stop myself from clawing my ears off. Yeesh.

I actually like White Christmas enough to listen to just about anyone do it. Except Neil Diamond, because that's just not even funny.
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[User Picture]From: the0neru
2008-12-22 09:08 pm (UTC)
I've said it before, I'll say it again: Mariah, put some clothes on, sit down, and shut the fuck up. - have I said, today, that I love you? I'd propose if we weren't both, you know, already married to other people and all that.

In the UK there are approximately 7,304,302,987 covers of "Last Christmas". I am of the opinion that anyone who has ever sung it, even in a drunken stupor at a karaoke bar, should be taken naked out into a cold, wet Glasgow night and beaten to death with half a haggis. And then immolated.

... not that I HATE IT or anything. *twitch*
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[User Picture]From: mellyflori
2008-12-22 09:35 pm (UTC)
Wow. That was... wow. You *really* hate that song. I mean, I dislike some songs but I've never hated one enough to beat someone with an organ meat. :D

Actually, that's a lie. I totally hate that country song about a guy who crashes a vintage Corvette and gets saved by the ghost of the guy who used to own it. I hate it enough to beat someone with a headcheese. Because he crashed a vintage Corvette. He deserves what he gets.

If ST gets hit by a bus I'm packin' my bags and movin' in with you. :)
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[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2008-12-22 10:02 pm (UTC)
i'm going to put two on your list that aren't mentioned yet:

1. Christmas Eve in Washington. WTF? how many syllables can we possibly cram into a single line? i can't stand it!! the writing! the music! is sooo. bad...

2. but my most hateous song (tied only with Christmas Shoes) is the Christmas version of Pachelbel's Canon in D. they took crappy stupid kiddy voices and added crappy stupid lyrics. "all is bright all is right on this merry christmas night!" or some such. oh for the love of the sweet baby jeebus in his holy golden diaper! stick FORKS in my EARS! ANYTHING! but just MAKE IT STOP!
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[User Picture]From: maitheas
2008-12-22 11:42 pm (UTC)
1. The Christmas Shoes
2. The Little Drummer Boy
3. Most of the current crop of top 40 covers of classics from the 40s and 50s.
4 and 5. Anything by Celine Dion omf she's even had her irritating nasal voice all over War is Over or So This Is Christmas or whatever it's called fucking hell make her STOP!

But this is where I must confess that I really do enjoy me some I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas, so, you know, you can unfriend me now.
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[User Picture]From: jvandevander
2008-12-23 01:26 pm (UTC)
I can't believe this thread got 35 comments in and no one thought to say how much they love the old Christmas standard, "Dick in a Box."

Hell, I'm going to listen to that right . . . now.
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[User Picture]From: alex_wench
2008-12-23 04:14 pm (UTC)
i'll have to go with you on this - they can suck it.
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[User Picture]From: alex_wench
2008-12-23 04:15 pm (UTC)
after all the years in Applehell where the music would start 2 days before thanksgiving. *sigh* the holiday beat down. lol
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