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Ah, joy. The episode of Unsolved Mysteries where they blame it on… - Then You Get Up And Have Breakfast [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whole lotta labia.

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[Jun. 4th, 2009|10:13 pm]
Whole lotta labia.
[how ya feelin'? |mouthy]

Ah, joy. The episode of Unsolved Mysteries where they blame it on the SCA. Apparently the SCA is just a front for a secret den of harmless woowoo huggers satanists. Apparently 17 year old boys do not drink beer while at the beach. Rather, the secret underworkings of the SCA sought to silence a squeaky wheel by drowning him. Sure, it's worth noting that his armor was gone, but if he had a date it's possible that he took the armor out first because, while your girlhood hopes and dreams may have included knights in shining armor and fighters battling for your hand, your womanhood has taught you that fighters smell like unwashed gym socks and the armor itself is like some kind of writhing erlenmeyer flask of funk.

Here's a little something to set to rest the minds of parents who might worry about such a tragedy happening to their children:

The SCA, collectively, takes 6 months organize a Sunday potluck lunch.
Should the "underground SCA den of stanists" decide to go after your child they will first have to engage in three months of discussions in order to decide who is in charge of the mission, and who should be backup. Also who should hold the sage pot. These conversations will take place over email because they don't often leave the house.

Do not fear, your child will have plenty of time to escape.

just to make this clear, I'm terribly sorry for this father's loss. My heart goes tight at the idea of losing my girl. I just think that when you find an attractive, popular young man at the beach surrounded by beer cans and you know he has a penchant for climbing and diving, it's maybe not worth bugging the pagans too much. There are plenty of other things we can pick on them for. How they can't wear those chainmail headdresses without them getting stuck and yanking out about 18,000 hairs... just to start.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: slightlytricky
2009-06-05 03:15 am (UTC)
is this a good time to say "bitches always talk" cuz... I've been dying to use that today.
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[User Picture]From: wizardglick
2009-06-05 03:21 am (UTC)

I watched the first couple of minutes. Seems kind of exploitive to take a grieving father who's saying "He couldn't have drowned at the beach - he's a diver! He must have been murdered!" and say "Great! let's put you on TV"

And, I didn't realize the SCA had a "President." Although, given that it's a 501c3, it probably does somewhere.
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[User Picture]From: kiltsandlollies
2009-06-05 03:33 am (UTC)
YOU MEDDLING KIDS AND YOUR WOO WOO!
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[User Picture]From: genvandevander
2009-06-05 08:16 pm (UTC)
Oh *wipe tear from eye* I needed a good laugh :)
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